call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So much rum. So many feels.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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