It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is it because I queefed?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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