when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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