The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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