Whod you bang
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
