I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it because I queefed?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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