If i come over, it means nothing
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
