that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
