i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize