i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
