yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think my moral compass just broke
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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