: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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