He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
