Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
