haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
