do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sober January is a disaster.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
