this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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