Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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