everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
