First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
