I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I enjoy the company of your penis
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
