thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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