Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
