My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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