hotel room ftw
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
