i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
