I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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