So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
