break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
