New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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