We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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