that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
