I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
