she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
