I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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