6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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