That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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