DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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