remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
