I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish you could order shots online.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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