The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
pray to the hookup gods
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
