Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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