White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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