Ketchup is God's man juice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
