Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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