Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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