Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
