i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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