she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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