i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
