i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize