I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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