my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
