She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
