I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
