You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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