If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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