Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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