just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
FUCK WHALES
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize