Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize