oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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