I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
