we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
