What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
