dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
