bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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