It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
