So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
