Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
