Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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