I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
