TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
